We all have wants and wishes, hopes and dreams,
thoughts and prayers, aspirations and goals. A handful of these things we
actually attempt to gain, some of them we achieve, but the vast majority of
them we leave in a dark recess in the back of our minds only to be awakened as
day dreams for us to escape. It's nice to have these getaways when we our
feeling bored, down, or distant from the world, but the question is, why do we
settle? When does that goal just become one of the day dreams?
Where is the line drawn between what we make reachable and what we bound
fantasy? We our all victims of this tragedy because we have all made one
of our dreams just that, a dream.
Since I was 17 years old I wanted to be a
doctor. I took my first psychology class and became consumed with the
biology of the mind and the human body and I knew that's what I wanted to
do. I am now 22, and you might not think that is a great gap from 17, but
what I've come to realize is that the first few years or so after high school
can be the most defining years of your life and your personality can change
drastically from one year to the next as you are searching for your place in
this incredibly busy world. Anyhow, back to the subject, since then I have
changed my mind quite a few times about what I wanted to do and for the last
year I have been set on being a physician assistant. Being a PA is a
great career and I have so much respect for so many PA's and what they do, but
since I have been in college I have not truly been satisfied with what I'm
doing and the path I'm on. To make a long story short that might bore my
only two readers I have decided I am going to go to medical school.
For the last few years I have struggled and debated
with what I should be doing and for the last year I have been excited about PA
school, but I've just had this knot deep down that has made me feel I am
selling myself short. On so many occasions I have struggled with the
decision to go to med school and I always end up talking myself out of it one
way or another saying I don't want to do the extra work, I don't want to be in
that much debt, I can do the same basic thing as a PA, I don't want to dedicate
my life to work, blah blah blah. My body, soul, and mind have twisted and
turned trying to convince the other what I should, and for some reason
yesterday I just sat down and decided:
1) I'm young, and although it doesn't always feel like it, time is on
my side.2) When I do something I want to be the best. I want to be the guy that knows everything and that everyone goes too.
3) If I go to PA school and finish I might always regret not just going to medical school, if I do medical school I don't think there is anyway I would regret it.
4) I don't want to dedicate my life to a job, but medicine is more than a career choice, it's a passion, and every part of me wants to know it up and down.
To sum it up I don't know when I changed the
thought of becoming a doctor from a goal to a dream, but I refuse to sell myself
short. For the last five years when I imagined where I would be and what I
would be doing ten years down the road I was always a doctor. I wasn't a
nurse, a lawyer, a paramedic, a rock star, or even a PA, I was a doctor.
This is a dream that is within my grasp, and it only took me five years to
realize it, but I finally did and that knot is finally starting to untangle.
It's going to be a long hard road from here on out, but I will not let this
dream stay a dream.
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