Sunday, September 11, 2011

Don't Let Your Dreams Be Dreams

We all have wants and wishes, hopes and dreams, thoughts and prayers, aspirations and goals.  A handful of these things we actually attempt to gain, some of them we achieve, but the vast majority of them we leave in a dark recess in the back of our minds only to be awakened as day dreams for us to escape.  It's nice to have these getaways when we our feeling bored, down, or distant from the world, but the question is, why do we settle?  When does that goal just become one of the day dreams?  Where is the line drawn between what we make reachable and what we bound fantasy?  We our all victims of this tragedy because we have all made one of our dreams just that, a dream.  

Since I was 17 years old I wanted to be a doctor.  I took my first psychology class and became consumed with the biology of the mind and the human body and I knew that's what I wanted to do.  I am now 22, and you might not think that is a great gap from 17, but what I've come to realize is that the first few years or so after high school can be the most defining years of your life and your personality can change drastically from one year to the next as you are searching for your place in this incredibly busy world. Anyhow, back to the subject, since then I have changed my mind quite a few times about what I wanted to do and for the last year I have been set on being a physician assistant.  Being a PA is a great career and I have so much respect for so many PA's and what they do, but since I have been in college I have not truly been satisfied with what I'm doing and the path I'm on.  To make a long story short that might bore my only two readers I have decided I am going to go to medical school.

For the last few years I have struggled and debated with what I should be doing and for the last year I have been excited about PA school, but I've just had this knot deep down that has made me feel I am selling myself short.  On so many occasions I have struggled with the decision to go to med school and I always end up talking myself out of it one way or another saying I don't want to do the extra work, I don't want to be in that much debt, I can do the same basic thing as a PA, I don't want to dedicate my life to work, blah blah blah.  My body, soul, and mind have twisted and turned trying to convince the other what I should, and for some reason yesterday I just sat down and decided:
1)  I'm young, and although it doesn't always feel like it, time is on my side.
2)  When I do something I want to be the best.   I want to be the guy that knows everything and that everyone goes too.
3)  If I go to PA school and finish I might always regret not just going to medical school, if I do medical school I don't think there is anyway I would regret it.
4) I don't want to dedicate my life to a job, but medicine is more than a career choice, it's a passion, and every part of me wants to know it up and down.

To sum it up I don't know when I changed the thought of becoming a doctor from a goal to a dream, but I refuse to sell myself short.  For the last five years when I imagined where I would be and what I would be doing ten years down the road I was always a doctor.  I wasn't a nurse, a lawyer, a paramedic, a rock star, or even a PA, I was a doctor.  This is a dream that is within my grasp, and it only took me five years to realize it, but I finally did and that knot is finally starting to untangle.  It's going to be a long hard road from here on out, but I will not let this dream stay a dream. 

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